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Fave Quotes
"Personal accountability is the root of all happiness and engagement in life" (RBL, 113). "The Buddha called the Ego the source of all suffering" (NE, 26). "Seek first to understand . . ." (RBL, 137). "Our research found that the average employee spends 2 hours and 26 minutes per day in drama and emotional waste" (NE, 7). "Stop believing everything you think" (NE, 44). |
Key Take-Away: the average employee spends 2.5 hours per day on drama & emotional waste.
I found this single factoid so compelling that I built an ROI Calculator around it.
I found this single factoid so compelling that I built an ROI Calculator around it.
Back Story
October 21, 2025 - Cy Wakeman is the mother of eight sons. Let that sink in for a moment.
Imagine all the energy management, the multitasking, the boundary struggles, the patience, the long term perspective. This is one tough, smart woman.
She's a brave, bold contrarian who upends conventional wisdom about HR (Human Resources) with truth, grace, and love, combining these three virtues in a way that only an experienced mother of eight sons could. I certainly couldn't do it; I'd be much too heavy-handed. I would go "Nuclear Marine Corps" on people and alienate them. But she pulls it off.
She wrote Reality-Based Leadership in 2010, and No Ego seven years later.
I learned about both books while watching a webinar held by Daniel Craig of Profit Coach, his July 2 2025 "Profit Power Hour." The books were mentioned by one of his guests, Dave Sweyer. (The webinar was actually run by his CEO, Brad Johnson.)
The title of the webinar was, "Exiting Without Selling." They discussed A, B, and C Players, and emphasized how the key to exiting a business without selling is to identify and employ "A Players" who have what it takes to run your business for you, in your absence.
Some qualities of A Players include:
- Self starters
- Curious
- Proactive problem solvers
- Caring
- "Batteries Included"
- "Gritty" - have survived & overcome ordeals.
They're rare and extremely valuable. In his 2003 book Millionaire Real Estate Agent, which I reviewed in 2015, Gary Keller calls them "Great Talent" and advises hiring them when you find them regardless whether you have a vacant position at your company. When you notice A Players, make room for them at your company. Hire first and assign next. They're that good, and that rare.
Wakeman's books were mentioned at the very end of the webinar almost as an afterthought. I had clients who had been struggling with ego bottlenecks at their businesses, so the "No Ego" title grabbed my attention. I bought both books.
I should also mention how, in the webinar, Gino Wickman's books and Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS) were mentioned, too. Here's a link to my review of his work.
Philosophical Threads
Reality. One is, of course, "Reality" which is embedded in the title of the first one. This leads me to Epistemology which asks, "How can we be sure? How do you know that you know? Can you trust your own perception? How can we validate and verify?"
These are big questions that are easy to dispute; they should not be glossed over lightly, presuming that, well, of course, EVERYBODY KNOWS what Reality is, we don't need to discuss that. EVERYBODY KNOWS what Truth is, we don't need to discuss that.
No, they don't know, and we do need to discuss it. There is a lot of room for argument. Let's not take these things for granted. Let's be careful.
By "Reality", Wakeman seems to be referring to consequences, and to objective third party corroboration.
Example: a physician doesn't want to follow clinical procedures of making follow-up calls to patients to prompt them about vital care. He thinks that's a waste of his and his staff's time. His compliance rate is zero, and he doesn't care. He is defiant.
But there's a compliance review board at his clinic. In the past he has received preferential treatment because of his other strengths as a physician. He expects his work to be "embroidered" and his noncompliance overlooked.
Wakeman simply says, don't embroider. Let the facts speak for themselves. His compliance rate is zero. Deal with it.
When he learned that his zero compliance rate wasn't "embroidered" to the board, that his name simply appeared at the very bottom of a list that the whole board saw, he began complying (No Ego, 99-100).
Accountability was another thread running through both books. By this she seems to mean, focus on individuals instead of groups. Deal with people one by one. Call them out.
(This hearkens back to Ray Dalio's 2017 book Principles, which I reviewed the following year. In that book, in so many words, he advises naming names and laying blame. Focus on individuals, and learn "what they are like.")
When I think of accountability, I think of accounting, metrics, KPIs, facts, and data. I'm a huge proponent of what I call Existential Time Keeping (ETK), which is simply thorough, honest time keeping.
ETK is the spine of most of the systems that I build on the QuickBase platform, because I have learned that time is the atomic unit of all Economics, and that it's more valuable than money. After I read Gino Wickman's book Traction, I added Scorecard and Checklist functionality. All of these features support accountability.
Wakeman doesn't seem to go that far; her notion of accountability seems simply to mean, interacting one-on-one with individuals, versus sending an email blast or publishing a policy statement. But I do appreciate her notion of accountability as far as it goes, and I'm sure she would appreciate whatever facts and data are available.
In principle, she argues for Clarity as a remedy to Ambiguity, which is where Ego likes to hide, lurk, and fester. In RBL page 127, she has a section entitled, "Ambiguity Is the Source of All Conflict."
Another thread is Leadership. She contends that in modern business, the quality of leadership has declined and been replaced by "Management." She observes a tendency to over-manage and under-lead, and that the remedy is to reverse it. Lead first, manage second.
Call to Greatness is another thread running through both books. This is the lion's share of Leadership, I suppose, to pull people out of short term thinking, instant gratification, and selfishness, to inspire them to step out of the darkness and into the light; to inspire them to ascend instead of wallowing; or in the language of Jim Collins (Good to Great) to get off the "Death Spiral" and on to the "Flywheel."
Yet another thread was what she calls "Work with the Willing." (That's the title of the fifth chapter in the first book.) She says, go ahead an play favorites. Favor willing people. Favor accountable people. When you do an employee engagement survey, filter on accountability, because accountable employees give much different answers to questions about engagement than unaccountable employees give.
For example: when asked for suggestions to improve the workplace, accountable nurses at a hospital suggested things that would enhance patients' comfort and convenience. Unaccountable nurses suggested things that would enhance their own comfort and convenience. Accountable nurses were focused on the hospital's mission. Unaccountable nurses were focused on themselves.
20 / 65 / 15. Wakeman contends that in any given organization, 20% are A Players, 65% are on the fence, thinking weekly or even daily about quitting, and 15% skate - that is, they don't really do much valuable work, they just show up to collect a paycheck, do the bare minimum, and goof off and steal as much as possible. She says to favor the 20% ("The Willing"), lead the 65%, and don't waste your time on the 15%. Eliminate them, or provide them with a pathway to eliminate themselves.
Cowardice or Courage? The mother of eight sons calls it. She says that cowardice is the reason for too much managing and not enough leading. Holding individuals accountable means being brave enough to confront, and a lot of people in modern business are afraid of confrontation. However she warns that if you chicken out, you end up coddling bad employees who make everybody's lives miserable, hinder the organization's mission, and drag it down.
Shape Up, or Ship Out. This is another thread, and although she never says it that way, it's how I would summarize her approach. Businesses aren't democracies, and not everyone's opinion is equally valuable. The opinions of accountable people are more valuable. The opinions of unaccountable people are less valuable.
In No Ego she gives an example of a Salesforce software deployment and one resistant salesman named "Ed" who refused to use it, insisting instead on clinging to his spreadsheet. Her advice: give Ed the ultimatum, ask for his buy in. If he refuses, he's fired. Period.
This woman has a spine.
In my time keeping work - which is the ultimate in accountability - I encounter a lot resistance and fear. Business owners themselves are reluctant to lead by example by tracking their own time, and they're afraid of employee resistance and worried about getting buy-in.
Reading Wakeman has inspired me drive a stake in the ground and message, "Look: we're an accountable shop. This is how we do things. We're thorough and honest about how we spend our time. Time is the atomic unit of Economics. Among other things, it's how we compute your paycheck. If you're not willing to be thorough and honest about your time, you're not welcome here. Find another job."
You just have to be tough, and enforce what you know is right. Coddling people is a waste of time that leads nowhere and makes everybody miserable.
Be Prepared. That's the Boy Scout motto. She never mentioned it, but she did discuss Readiness a lot, which is the same thing. In particular, in the context of handling change, she says Readiness is the key. Readiness, not Coddling.
In turn, she says, Readiness results in Resilience, and that's what you need to cope with change which, when it happens, is not patient or well regulated. When change comes, it is fast and furious, so you need ready, resilient people on board who can handle it.
A Scout is Helpful. No, she didn't quote the Scout Law, but she did emphasize Helping over Judging. When a problem arises, the question on everyone's mind should be "How can I help?" Sure, it may be somebody's fault, but that doesn't get anyone anywhere. Mistakes happen every day. Get into the habit of helping. Ego fixates on self-defense and blaming. Maturity focuses on helping.
Personal Growth. In all of this, the dominant thread running through both books was a call to personal growth to employers themselves. For example, regarding Delegation (RLB, page 132) she states flatly, "If you're not growing, your people can't grow either."
ChatGPT put it to me even more bluntly: "A fish rots from the head down."
So are you bothered by your staff's bad attitudes and fat egos? Look in the mirror. If you spot it, odds are you've got it. They're just following your lead, mirroring you. They are a reflection of you.
Introspection. True leadership involves encouraging individuals to acquire Introvert habits like Introspection, Reflection, Reading, and Journaling. This is the antidote to Ego and Drama. Some great prompts and assignments for reflection are on pages 50-54 of No Ego.
"The linchpin of accountability is a private, meditative state of inquiry that invites an unvarnished look at one's thinking and subsequent behavior. That's because self-reflection comes from a place of seeking truth, leading to an inner discovery rather than trying to force it through external pressure" (No Ego, page 108).
At the bottom of page 86 she writes, "Those who aren't willing to grow and learn can be managed out." At the top of page 87 I wrote, "What if they're the owners?"
Locus of Control: External, or Internal? This was the key that enabled Wakeman to resolve quandaries she experienced about conventional HR wisdom, like how Engagement drives success (it doesn't) or that everybody's opinions matter (they don't).
Unaccountable people have an external locus of control. They blame environment, circumstance, "society."
Accountable people have an internal locus of control. They own up.
Reality. One is, of course, "Reality" which is embedded in the title of the first one. This leads me to Epistemology which asks, "How can we be sure? How do you know that you know? Can you trust your own perception? How can we validate and verify?"
These are big questions that are easy to dispute; they should not be glossed over lightly, presuming that, well, of course, EVERYBODY KNOWS what Reality is, we don't need to discuss that. EVERYBODY KNOWS what Truth is, we don't need to discuss that.
No, they don't know, and we do need to discuss it. There is a lot of room for argument. Let's not take these things for granted. Let's be careful.
By "Reality", Wakeman seems to be referring to consequences, and to objective third party corroboration.
Example: a physician doesn't want to follow clinical procedures of making follow-up calls to patients to prompt them about vital care. He thinks that's a waste of his and his staff's time. His compliance rate is zero, and he doesn't care. He is defiant.
But there's a compliance review board at his clinic. In the past he has received preferential treatment because of his other strengths as a physician. He expects his work to be "embroidered" and his noncompliance overlooked.
Wakeman simply says, don't embroider. Let the facts speak for themselves. His compliance rate is zero. Deal with it.
When he learned that his zero compliance rate wasn't "embroidered" to the board, that his name simply appeared at the very bottom of a list that the whole board saw, he began complying (No Ego, 99-100).
Accountability was another thread running through both books. By this she seems to mean, focus on individuals instead of groups. Deal with people one by one. Call them out.
(This hearkens back to Ray Dalio's 2017 book Principles, which I reviewed the following year. In that book, in so many words, he advises naming names and laying blame. Focus on individuals, and learn "what they are like.")
When I think of accountability, I think of accounting, metrics, KPIs, facts, and data. I'm a huge proponent of what I call Existential Time Keeping (ETK), which is simply thorough, honest time keeping.
ETK is the spine of most of the systems that I build on the QuickBase platform, because I have learned that time is the atomic unit of all Economics, and that it's more valuable than money. After I read Gino Wickman's book Traction, I added Scorecard and Checklist functionality. All of these features support accountability.
Wakeman doesn't seem to go that far; her notion of accountability seems simply to mean, interacting one-on-one with individuals, versus sending an email blast or publishing a policy statement. But I do appreciate her notion of accountability as far as it goes, and I'm sure she would appreciate whatever facts and data are available.
In principle, she argues for Clarity as a remedy to Ambiguity, which is where Ego likes to hide, lurk, and fester. In RBL page 127, she has a section entitled, "Ambiguity Is the Source of All Conflict."
Another thread is Leadership. She contends that in modern business, the quality of leadership has declined and been replaced by "Management." She observes a tendency to over-manage and under-lead, and that the remedy is to reverse it. Lead first, manage second.
Call to Greatness is another thread running through both books. This is the lion's share of Leadership, I suppose, to pull people out of short term thinking, instant gratification, and selfishness, to inspire them to step out of the darkness and into the light; to inspire them to ascend instead of wallowing; or in the language of Jim Collins (Good to Great) to get off the "Death Spiral" and on to the "Flywheel."
Yet another thread was what she calls "Work with the Willing." (That's the title of the fifth chapter in the first book.) She says, go ahead an play favorites. Favor willing people. Favor accountable people. When you do an employee engagement survey, filter on accountability, because accountable employees give much different answers to questions about engagement than unaccountable employees give.
For example: when asked for suggestions to improve the workplace, accountable nurses at a hospital suggested things that would enhance patients' comfort and convenience. Unaccountable nurses suggested things that would enhance their own comfort and convenience. Accountable nurses were focused on the hospital's mission. Unaccountable nurses were focused on themselves.
20 / 65 / 15. Wakeman contends that in any given organization, 20% are A Players, 65% are on the fence, thinking weekly or even daily about quitting, and 15% skate - that is, they don't really do much valuable work, they just show up to collect a paycheck, do the bare minimum, and goof off and steal as much as possible. She says to favor the 20% ("The Willing"), lead the 65%, and don't waste your time on the 15%. Eliminate them, or provide them with a pathway to eliminate themselves.
Cowardice or Courage? The mother of eight sons calls it. She says that cowardice is the reason for too much managing and not enough leading. Holding individuals accountable means being brave enough to confront, and a lot of people in modern business are afraid of confrontation. However she warns that if you chicken out, you end up coddling bad employees who make everybody's lives miserable, hinder the organization's mission, and drag it down.
Shape Up, or Ship Out. This is another thread, and although she never says it that way, it's how I would summarize her approach. Businesses aren't democracies, and not everyone's opinion is equally valuable. The opinions of accountable people are more valuable. The opinions of unaccountable people are less valuable.
In No Ego she gives an example of a Salesforce software deployment and one resistant salesman named "Ed" who refused to use it, insisting instead on clinging to his spreadsheet. Her advice: give Ed the ultimatum, ask for his buy in. If he refuses, he's fired. Period.
This woman has a spine.
In my time keeping work - which is the ultimate in accountability - I encounter a lot resistance and fear. Business owners themselves are reluctant to lead by example by tracking their own time, and they're afraid of employee resistance and worried about getting buy-in.
Reading Wakeman has inspired me drive a stake in the ground and message, "Look: we're an accountable shop. This is how we do things. We're thorough and honest about how we spend our time. Time is the atomic unit of Economics. Among other things, it's how we compute your paycheck. If you're not willing to be thorough and honest about your time, you're not welcome here. Find another job."
You just have to be tough, and enforce what you know is right. Coddling people is a waste of time that leads nowhere and makes everybody miserable.
Be Prepared. That's the Boy Scout motto. She never mentioned it, but she did discuss Readiness a lot, which is the same thing. In particular, in the context of handling change, she says Readiness is the key. Readiness, not Coddling.
In turn, she says, Readiness results in Resilience, and that's what you need to cope with change which, when it happens, is not patient or well regulated. When change comes, it is fast and furious, so you need ready, resilient people on board who can handle it.
A Scout is Helpful. No, she didn't quote the Scout Law, but she did emphasize Helping over Judging. When a problem arises, the question on everyone's mind should be "How can I help?" Sure, it may be somebody's fault, but that doesn't get anyone anywhere. Mistakes happen every day. Get into the habit of helping. Ego fixates on self-defense and blaming. Maturity focuses on helping.
Personal Growth. In all of this, the dominant thread running through both books was a call to personal growth to employers themselves. For example, regarding Delegation (RLB, page 132) she states flatly, "If you're not growing, your people can't grow either."
ChatGPT put it to me even more bluntly: "A fish rots from the head down."
So are you bothered by your staff's bad attitudes and fat egos? Look in the mirror. If you spot it, odds are you've got it. They're just following your lead, mirroring you. They are a reflection of you.
Introspection. True leadership involves encouraging individuals to acquire Introvert habits like Introspection, Reflection, Reading, and Journaling. This is the antidote to Ego and Drama. Some great prompts and assignments for reflection are on pages 50-54 of No Ego.
"The linchpin of accountability is a private, meditative state of inquiry that invites an unvarnished look at one's thinking and subsequent behavior. That's because self-reflection comes from a place of seeking truth, leading to an inner discovery rather than trying to force it through external pressure" (No Ego, page 108).
At the bottom of page 86 she writes, "Those who aren't willing to grow and learn can be managed out." At the top of page 87 I wrote, "What if they're the owners?"
Locus of Control: External, or Internal? This was the key that enabled Wakeman to resolve quandaries she experienced about conventional HR wisdom, like how Engagement drives success (it doesn't) or that everybody's opinions matter (they don't).
Unaccountable people have an external locus of control. They blame environment, circumstance, "society."
Accountable people have an internal locus of control. They own up.
