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Book Review
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss Published 2016 Reviewed June, 2020 |
Fave Quote:
"We are emotional, irrational beasts who are emotional and irrational in predictable, pattern-filled ways.
Using that knowledge is only, well, rational" (138).
"We are emotional, irrational beasts who are emotional and irrational in predictable, pattern-filled ways.
Using that knowledge is only, well, rational" (138).
June 14, 2020 ~ This book is about radical empathy, active listening, and rapport-building. It's about understanding people; knowing them; knowing them better than they know themselves; knowing what makes them tick.
It's apophatic in that it recognizes the value of "No." "No" is not the end of a negotiation. It's the beginning.
What's striking to me about the experience of reading this book is how many voices - Ross Douthat, Charlie Munger, Jeff Fox, Gary Vaynerchuk, and now Chris Voss - are emphasizing the financial advantage of Empathy, at the same time that, because of the Narcissism Epidemic in which we find ourselves, it's so scarce.
It turns out, Empathy will make you rich. And Narcissists want riches. So you would think, Narcissists might be interested in acquiring Empathy.
But they can't. What a paradox! What an irony! What a dilemma!
In this book, you'll learn the vital difference between "You're right" and "That's right." It demonstrates the strategic superiority of Objectivity over Subjectivity, of Absolute over Relative.
People want to feel right, even when they're not. Even though he may be as guilty as sin, dirty-dead wrong, if you can get a sociopath to say "That's right", you've won. Voss recognizes this fact, and shows how to work with it toward a successful outcome.
He refers to other excellent books reviewed here, by Jeff Fox and Daniel Kahneman.
Other than the few following quotes, I'm keeping this review short in view of the possibility that the reader and I may some day find ourselves on opposite ends of a negotiating table.
I prefer to retain the advantage. If you want it for yourself, you'll have to read the book.
Other Noteworthy Quotes
~ "Sleeping in the same bed and dreaming different dreams" - going through the motions of relationship without any real mutual understanding, rapport, or empathy. Applies to both business and personal relationships (111).
~ "Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals" (116).
~ "If you approach a negotiation thinking that the other guy thinks like you, you're wrong . . . . That's not empathy; that's projection" (121).
~ "Listener's Judo" (160)
~ "Most people in a negotiation are driven by fear or by the desire to avoid pain. Too few are driven by their actual goals" (116).
~ "If you approach a negotiation thinking that the other guy thinks like you, you're wrong . . . . That's not empathy; that's projection" (121).
~ "Listener's Judo" (160)
Respectfully submitted,
Kris Freeberg, Economist
Making End$ Meet
